Underground Fellowship

The more hurrieder I go, the more behinder I get...

2008-05-25T23:42:22Z

Deadlines, due dates, schedules, expectations and promises, these are things that make our heads feel like they will explode.

It is normal in today's society to feel the weight of these things. It is normal in today's world to be under the gun and continually behind in our committments. It is so hard to say no, especially when it is something that I really enjoy doing.

How many times have you said to yourself; "once Christmas is over, then things will get back to normal." or "all I have to do is get past this crisis and then things will slow down to a manageable pace."

The truth of the matter is however, tomorrow never comes and things will never slow down.

There is only one solution for this dilemna, and that is it. There are not several options for this problem, unless of course you just want things to continue on as they have for a very long time now.

The problem with life is this; if on the road of life all we do is dodge traffic and try not to get run over, then all of our energy will go into that leaving nothing as a reserve for reaching our destination.

I am here to tell you that before you know what has happened 25 years will pass you by and you will find yourself looking back with nothing to show for your life. Nothing that is except maybe money or more stuff. More time spent at the office and less with the ones that you love.

We are planning a Denver CO motorcycle trip this summer, two weeks of riding the backroads of America, Wild Hogs coming to life in our own lives and the biggest struggle with those deciding whether or not to come is "but what about work?" "What about my responsibilities?"

Now these are valid concerns that have the potential to bring a lot of regret in years to come. Not because if they miss this trip their lives will be unfulfilled, but rather that job and other people's expectations of us are the main driving force in our decisions about what our priorities will be.

When I lie on my deathbed I know that I will not be saying "wow, I sure wish I would have spent more time at work," but I will probably say something like "I sure wish I would have taken more time to live out my dreams and put it all out there."

I wish that the biggest dilemna most people would have is what great adventure they must choose between this year with their families and friends. I wish that more people would be willing to live with a smaller house and older car so that they could go camping with their kids while they are still little.

I just learned tonight that I must officiate at a funeral of a man who committed suicide today, and I wonder what his regrets are right now. I wonder if he made choices that were so bad that he couldn't live with them or if he just grew tired of the struggle and gave up. Or maybe it was something else that I just don't understand.

But this I do know, that when the world comes at me from every direction at once and I feel like a leaf being pushed down the gutter by a firehose; when I am overwhelmed by life and feel like I cannot stand, it is then that the simplest things mean the most. Things like burying my face in my little dogs neck and giving her a zerbert. Things like snuggling with my wife or talking on the phone to my daughter Steph and her man, taking a ride on my motorcycle or a heartfelt prayer of brokenness.

When my life revolves around simple things iit seems that I have a shorter distance to fall, because I will fall, sooner or later I will fall, we all fall. And the promise of God cuts through the white noise that dominates my brain "I will never leave you or forsake you, even unto the end of the world."

It is then I realize that God was always there, I just got so busy I lost him in the fray. I just got so distracted that I walked past him and didn't see him. I just got so caught up in what I NEED TO DO that I forgot about what I LOVE TO DO.

Well I have to go now, my little dog is standing up like a Prairie Dog and asking me to notice her, I feel a zerbert coming on...

Sometimes I am embarrased to call myself a Christian

2008-05-16T08:37:25Z

Well, here they go again, or should I say here WE go again. Once again a Christian group, this time in San Diego CA, is outraged because of the new Starbucks Coffee logo and is calling for a national boycot of the company.

Now I don't know a lot about the Starbucks logo so I did a little research and found out that it is based on the ancient mariners tale of the sirens, which were mythical two-tailed mermaids that sang to entice sailors to come close to the rocks where their ships would be wrecked, I remembered that story from school actually and thought it was a pretty clever marketing tool, you know that Starbucks was saying their coffee was enticing and seductive just like that "siren song" of myth.
So I went online and found the pic myself so I could see what all the fuss was about, and here it is. And here is what the church spokesman said about this "pornographic" image...

The Resistance (name of the church I guess) says the new image "has a naked woman on it with her legs spread like a prostitute," Mark Dice, founder of the group, said in a news release. "Need I say more? It's extremely poor taste, and the company might as well call themselves Slutbucks."

Are you kidding me? Of all the things in the world that the church sits by and says nothing about, or does nothing about, is this REALLY the battle that we will choose to stand up and be outraged about?

Why is it that Christian groups insist on getting this kind of press? I mean is this the battle that we want our name attached to?

This can't be real, this must be the work of a anti church group trying to make us look bad... right? Tell me this isn't a legitimate church saying something so ridiculous, but no, it's real, and once again we are telling the world around us that the church is out of touch with anything resembling common sense and is some right wing extremist group that is to be feared.

Don't get me wrong, I know that we are supposed to be peculiar, that we are supposed to go against the flow, but this is psycho. Once again the church makes itself an island of insanity instead of the continent of voice of reason and understanding that we are called to be.

I think if Jesus were sitting here he would shake his head and wish that we, the church that claims to be His people, would reach out and love those around us until they are overwhelmed by our steadfastness and caring. I think that He wishes that we could reach out to a hurting world like that woman at the well he met with so long ago and find a way to break through the mistrust and fear that the world has for us and live up to the words that he said in Mark 12:32-33

"You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."

Jury Duty

2008-05-14T09:37:48Z

This week I served on a jury for a 2 day court case, and it was very interesting. I know that most of us would rather do almost anything to get out of jury duty, but I actually enjoyed the experience.

It was a sad trial, at least for me, because a 38 year old woman had been rear ended on the highway and had hurt her knee. She had a major surgery and due to no health insurance had almost $50,000 in medical bills. Our job as jury was to decide how much the auto insurance company had to pay to this woman for her injuries and expenses due to the accident.

What made the trial sad was that this young woman (38 is young to me now that I'm 48) will never be able to do all of the things she used to do. She will always have arthritis and pain and be limited in her physical abilities. But the saddest thing to me was watching her struggle with the emotions of this 2 year battle that she has waged with the insurance company.

You could see it in her face, the weight of losing her home because she lost her job because she can't stand for more than an hour at a time. The weight of having a huge judgement against her for medical bills that resulted from an accident that wasn't her fault. The weight of being strung along for 2 years by an insurance company that didn't want to give her the money she needed to get her life back.

As the trial started the facts were rolled out, and most of them were not contested until the defense (the insurance company) began their case. Their defense of why they shouldn't have to pay was to smear the character of this young woman. They tried to say that she had injured her knee before, which was true, once in 8th grade, and once playing volleyball 6 years ago. But she had recovered from those injuries with no lasting affects and was back to a normal life.

Her family doctor who had seen her regularly since she was 5 said that she had no issues at all with her knee for 5 years before the accident, and then they brought up an arrest she had when she was 17, WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!?!?!?

It was disgusting to watch this lawyer for the insurance company try to muddy the waters, grasp at straws, assasinate this girls character and anything else he could do while completely avoiding the real issue, that his client was talking on a cell phone and rear ended this girl who was doing nothing wrong.

Isn't that just like life? Isn't that just like the world we live in? We are living in a place that does everything that it can to try to muddy the waters, grasp at straws, assasinate our character and anything else it can while completely avoiding the real issue, that life is precious and that if our life is without meaning it is empty and hollow.

We gave this girl money, which she needed to get back to financial normalcy, but how do we give her back the last 2 years of misery? How do we give her back all of the pain that she will endure every time she walks up stairs? How do we give her back that knot she had in her stomach every time the phone rang and she hoped it wasn't a collection agency threatening her to get money that she didn't have.

We could not give her life back, only money, and my friends that is never enough. We may think it is, but it isn't, not even close.

I wonder how long it will be before she forgets the pain of being called a liar by people trying to discredit her? I wonder how long it will be before she sleeps peacefully and doesn't lie awake wondering how she will get through the week to come.

This is what Jesus was talking about when he said "I have come to give you life, life to the fullest." Being a Christian gives me the ability to be content when life comes crashing down around me. It gives me the power to have peace in the middle of the storm because I know that I am important to God, and I can trust Him with my life.

Being a Christian is supposed to take the pressure off my life, and when I can trust God it really does. And I have learned one thing that you will never be able to take away from me, I can trust Him with my life, and I really, really do.

Hyprocrisy, when does that happen

2008-05-14T09:39:02Z

Am I a hypocrite? At what point do I become one? I think that these kinds of thoughts run through my head way more than the average person. I don't mean just about being a hypocrite, but thoughts like this that cause me to look deep inside of myself and judge my intent as I make choices in my daily life.

I have often said that the most difficult part of being a christian is being honest with myself. Why I do the things that I do is way more important than what I actually end up doing. For example if I sell everything that I have and buy food and clothing and then go around giving to people less fortunate than myself sounds like a very generous and unselfish thing; but what if I did that so that people would say "wow that Paul is such a wonderful person, isn't he amazing?"

If that is the reason that motivated me to reach out to others I become an opportunist and a liar and a cheat, I guess the best word would be hypocrite.
And so I am back to what I said before, that being honest with myself is the most difficult part of my faith.

Being honest with myself is difficult because I have the ability to trick myself into believing what is not true. I can rationalize something to the point that I believe it to be right when it is completely wrong.

A couple weekends ago we renovated a single moms home through Hope Builders, our new community outreach program, it was an awesome thing but why did we do it? Did we do it to show the love of Christ to a single mom who needed a hand and some encouragement or did we do it so people would say nice things about us.

It gets dicey here because as christians we want people to say good things about us and have a good reputation in the community, but we must be honest when we look inside and not have ulterior motives in our acts of kindness. If I only love someone to get them to come to my church then I have lost. I have lost the whole reason that the church exists in the first place. What I really need to do is be able to honestly say that I will love you with no strings attached, I will be your friend even if you never come to my church or say something nice about me in the paper.

Looking deep inside and checking my motives is the first step in mature christianity. Whether it be the way I love my wife and kids, or why I donate my money or my time the why is always more important than the what.

Life is not always...

2008-05-14T09:39:42Z

I have a confession to make to you all.

It is something that when you hear it may affect the way you look at me and feel about me as a leader.

There are often in our lives things that get hold of us that we cannot explain, things that we don't really understand when it comes to the power that they hold over us. I know that many others struggle with the same thing but it's different when it is them...not me. Even saying it out loud somehow makes me feel uncomfortable, and yet I sit here at my keyboard ready to pour my soul out in front of you all and let the chips fall where they may.

I think my struggle started about 6 years ago, it was then that I went from a person who knew ABOUT this thing to a person who was totally immersed in it. Even in the early days of my struggle as it began to wrap its tentacles around my mind I knew that it would cause me pain. Even though I knew the pain would inevitably come and bring with it all of the other accompanying misery I would not, could not walk away from it, and now here I am.

I know that I have tendencies toward certain pitfalls, I guess we all do, but that does not change the fact that I refused to make decisions that would keep me from this thing. Why is it that we so often walk headfirst into the same trap that we criticize others for falling for? Why is it that we can be so good at giving sound advice to someone else so that they can avoid the edge of the cliff and then walk right off of it ourself?

I guess that is what Paul was talking about in Romans chapter 7 when he said "the things I want to do I don't do, and the things that I don't want to do...that's what I do. Who will save me from this body of death?" Even the Apostle Paul struggled! But somehow that does not comfort me, especially now as I realize the pain and humiliation that I have faced and will face in the future because of this addiction.

So here it goes, my heart pounds as I try to force my fingers to type the truth that the Bible says will set me free
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Yes it is true
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I AM ADDICTED TO AMERICAN IDOL
why should I care who gets sent home from this stupid show? But here I am, bitter and frustrated at the American Idol voters for sending Carly and Brooke home while keeping Dreadlock boy and High School Musical girl.

I guess what I want to leave you with is this...Life is usually not what we think that it should be, or what makes perfect sense to us. If we are focused on what happens here on this earth and make it our top priority we are destined to face great disappointment.

In my mind I see the world a certain way, a way that makes sense to me, and I just cannot understand why everyone else does not see it the same way. I mean come on it's so simple, why do you find this to be so hard?

In the end I have learned that it is NEVER simple, and most people will have a hard time seeing it my way. God has called us to try to see life from the perspective of others, to try to understand it from their eyes and to avoid a judgemental attitude when we bump up against them.

In the end my trust must be in God, and not others around me. When I see the world seemingly spinning crazily out of orbit I can stand firm knowing that HE has it under control, and even though I don't know why nobody seems to get it right some days, I know that it will be ok because I trust HIM even when I don't get it...and that's good enough for me.

I'm 48 now, when did that happen?

2008-05-06T17:04:30Z

I just had a birthday, I am now 48 and it's amazing how much different things look from here.

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, and you are going on five!

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm GONNA be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life will come, when you BECOME 18.

But then something goes horribly wrong and you TURN 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED 30; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now,

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then look out, suddenly you're PUSHING 40 Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Because before you know whats happening you REACH 50 . . .. and your dreams are shattered. But wait!!! maybe you can MAKE it to 60.

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. By now you've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; now you HIT Wednesday! You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

Underground Fellowship, why we are different

2008-05-06T17:07:01Z

I had an epiphany today, and since I don't have one every day, today was special. Actually what happened to me today is probably one of the greatest eye opening days I have had in the last 25 years. My epiphany was the kind of thing that so captivated my thinking that I found myself sitting through an entire green light and then a while later turned off the music in the car because what was going on in my head was so loud that I couldn't concentrate on what was coming out of the radio.

Webster's definition of an epiphany is a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple or commonplace occurrence or experience.

Wow, what a mouthful that definition is, but that is exactly what it was. It was something that has been right in front of me for years, something plain and simple, but I never saw it this way before. It was something very basic to my faith and yet so profound that it is unraveling 30+ years of Christian thinking on my part.

Over the last several weeks and months I have been on a journey. I have put my faith and the church's role in our society under the microscope and have tried to see it from a perspective different than the one that I have had since I was about 12 years old. I grew up in a traditional church and have held to some very basic and commonly taught principles that have been in place for many years before I came along.

Along the way on my journey I have come face to face with the fact that the church, in the state that it has been in for a long time now, is not reaching the unsaved people that live all around its walls. For the most part the unsaved people that I know have little or no use for the church or religion in general. The vast majority of people that do not attend church see it as irrelevant to their life and dysfunctional in its operation. Not only are they not interested in church, but are usually animated in their criticism of it.

The people on the outside of the church think that it is full of "holier that thou" people that are more interested in getting their money than anything else. They see the church as being out of touch with our present world and that it is filled with for the most part judgmental hypocrites. Sadly I am forced to say that we inside the church walls have given them good reason to feel the way that they do.

I am currently reading a book called Blue Like Jazz written by Donald Miller. This book has forced me to see my faith from the perspective of the unsaved and not someone who grew up in the church. So where is the epiphany? Here goes…

I have been taught my whole church life that Jesus wants me to be good. I have been taught that when I am good God is happy, and when I am bad God is displeased. I am taught that my job as a believer is to fight temptation and resist the devil. I have been taught that I will never be tempted more than I can bear without a way of escape and if I pray and believe strongly enough I can do all things. I am taught that to obey is better than sacrifice and that self control is what I need to succeed in my walk with God.

While all of these things are true, they do not bring freedom or show God's grace toward the struggling sinner. The Old Testament showed me that I cannot be good enough. It is clear in the scripture that there is a war going on inside of every person and that we must be careful of pride lest we fall, especially when we judge the actions of others.

Usually when church people look at an unsaved or recently saved person they rate that person's walk with God by what they see. Of course they look for the big obvious flaws like smoking or drinking or gambling or unsuitable music because those are so easy to spot and are easy targets to blast away at. Of course let's not forget tattoos, body piercing, swearing or watching R rated movies. They tell new converts all of the things that I listed above and try to encourage them to be good and make God happy with their choices. They tell them to abandon all of their friends and just hang out with other Christians so they will not be tempted and pulled back into the cesspool that they came out of.

Miller writes; "self-discipline will never make us feel righteous or clean, only God's love can do that." But in the midst of my failure I hate myself for my shortcomings. I read Romans chapter seven over and over and purpose in my heart to try harder, but inevitably fail again.

When I make my success at Christianity contingent on my behavior I am setting myself up to fail. It is only a matter of time before I will fall. Oh sure I may not have an affair with another woman, but did I gossip about someone today? I may not use cocaine but did I think an impure thought? I cannot escape myself, I know my heart and how it desires things that God hates. I know that I will need to confess my faults many times today before lunchtime and I cannot be good like people say that God wants me to be.

Miller also writes "our behavior will not be changed for long with self discipline, but fall in love and the human will do things thought impossible. The laziest of men will swim the English Channel to win the girl."

And there it was, I am not called to be good, I am called to love God and how can I fail at that? When the Pharisees tried to trick Jesus by asking which commandment was the greatest Jesus said it was to love God with all of your heart and soul and mind and strength. The second most important is like it; to love your neighbor as yourself.

It all hinges on that, if my focus is on seeking God and loving him I will flourish even in the middle of my struggle because my standing is not based on my performance but on the love God has for me and the love that I have for him. If we teach new converts why we should love God and why he is worthy of our love it will break down all walls and give them hope. When Jesus asked Peter the question it was this; Peter, do you love me? When Peter answered yes Jesus said "then feed my sheep!"

God loves us, he's not mad at us or disappointed in us, he loves us and wants us to love him too. Only in loving God will we find the fuel to obey God with our lives and hearts.

To be continued…