I have a confession to make to you all.

It is something that when you hear it may affect the way you look at me and feel about me as a leader.

There are often in our lives things that get hold of us that we cannot explain, things that we don't really understand when it comes to the power that they hold over us. I know that many others struggle with the same thing but it's different when it is them...not me. Even saying it out loud somehow makes me feel uncomfortable, and yet I sit here at my keyboard ready to pour my soul out in front of you all and let the chips fall where they may.

I think my struggle started about 6 years ago, it was then that I went from a person who knew ABOUT this thing to a person who was totally immersed in it. Even in the early days of my struggle as it began to wrap its tentacles around my mind I knew that it would cause me pain. Even though I knew the pain would inevitably come and bring with it all of the other accompanying misery I would not, could not walk away from it, and now here I am.

I know that I have tendencies toward certain pitfalls, I guess we all do, but that does not change the fact that I refused to make decisions that would keep me from this thing. Why is it that we so often walk headfirst into the same trap that we criticize others for falling for? Why is it that we can be so good at giving sound advice to someone else so that they can avoid the edge of the cliff and then walk right off of it ourself?

I guess that is what Paul was talking about in Romans chapter 7 when he said "the things I want to do I don't do, and the things that I don't want to do...that's what I do. Who will save me from this body of death?" Even the Apostle Paul struggled! But somehow that does not comfort me, especially now as I realize the pain and humiliation that I have faced and will face in the future because of this addiction.

So here it goes, my heart pounds as I try to force my fingers to type the truth that the Bible says will set me free
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Yes it is true
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I AM ADDICTED TO AMERICAN IDOL
why should I care who gets sent home from this stupid show? But here I am, bitter and frustrated at the American Idol voters for sending Carly and Brooke home while keeping Dreadlock boy and High School Musical girl.

I guess what I want to leave you with is this...Life is usually not what we think that it should be, or what makes perfect sense to us. If we are focused on what happens here on this earth and make it our top priority we are destined to face great disappointment.

In my mind I see the world a certain way, a way that makes sense to me, and I just cannot understand why everyone else does not see it the same way. I mean come on it's so simple, why do you find this to be so hard?

In the end I have learned that it is NEVER simple, and most people will have a hard time seeing it my way. God has called us to try to see life from the perspective of others, to try to understand it from their eyes and to avoid a judgemental attitude when we bump up against them.

In the end my trust must be in God, and not others around me. When I see the world seemingly spinning crazily out of orbit I can stand firm knowing that HE has it under control, and even though I don't know why nobody seems to get it right some days, I know that it will be ok because I trust HIM even when I don't get it...and that's good enough for me.